A friend worked on this movie. He overheard this conversation between the Producer and the Studio:
Producer : Yeah we’re making this action movie with Jai Courtney. It’s got huge explosions, and you wouldn’t believe the amount of cars we destroy. It’s cool. Really cool. The director’s really great at blowing shit up! Looks fabulous.
Studio: (a long pause) ……Jai who?
Producer: Er…Jai Courtney a great Australian actor!
Studio: We’re talking about the same movie right?
Studio: The movie we’ve given you 150…million…dollars…for… to shoot in Eastern Europe?
Studio: I think we have a problem.
Producer: (thinking on his feet) Trust me – it’s GRrrrrreat!…. But I can see where you’re going with this. Tell ya what….give me another $25 miilion and I’ll ask Bruce to come on over. It’ll be a blast.
Studio: Bruce Willis? Hmmm…Tricky…Very tricky.
Producer: Look we’ll change the title of the movie! Make it .. ‘Eat shit and Die Hard’ or something.
Studio: Hmm. Die Hard 5. I like it. I like it alot. But…..What about the script? You’ve shot most of the movie already!!!
Producer: No problemo! Bruce is GREAT. He’ll make up some shit on the spot. No one will know the difference. Audiences today are stupid 5 year olds. They don’t care about stuff like that. Blow shit up! Flip cars! Michael Bay does it all the time and look at the huge amount of money he makes.
Studio: You have a point there.
Producer: My mate Geoff is here. He’s bald. I can drop him into all the 2nd unit shots we’re going to do in Moscow until Brucey boy arrives. Anything else we’ll just stick Brucey in front of a green screen and have him stare or smirk. Then cut him into the action. He doesn’t even have to get off his own couch.
Studio: What about the villain? Die Hard movies have to have a great villain.
Producer: Way ahead of you there. After all, what do you pay me for? We’ve shot stuff with one villain but I’ll get another. Two for the price of one. And we”ll use them less, but make ‘em speak Russian – they’ll appear serious and scary and intelligent and… and… and… Anyway all that good actory stuff. All at the same time. But we’ll give them less screen time. …Less is more. What do you say? It’ll be GRrrrrrreat! Humungous box office moola!
Studio: You know I think this might work.
Producer: Here’s my bank account details.
Filed under: action, thriller, Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, John Moore